So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
