fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
