I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
