Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
