I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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