I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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