Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
