I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
