I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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