I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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