i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i think i just lost a toe
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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