Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
