My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
