Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
