Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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