Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
