Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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