We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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