Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I am spending my child support on dildos
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
