Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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