So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
