Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
