pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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