We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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