Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
