who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
