Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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