You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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