ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize