Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
