Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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