Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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