It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
