Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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