i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
