Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
