I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So squirting runs in the family.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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