it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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