We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
