There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
