This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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