ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
