I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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