Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
