apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
