My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
