Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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