So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
