he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
