I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
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So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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