Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
