So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
