Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
