shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
