I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
