Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
