I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
