tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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