im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
