and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
