I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
