quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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