fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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