It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
