Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
