My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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