i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
