would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
