i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
two words: eviction party
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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