So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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