Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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