I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
